Monday, April 25, 2011

Just Me

Home one asking me for anything....

No one telling me they need something, for me to do something, take them somewhere, buy them something that they "have to have now"

No one complaining about not getting something or especially, telling me I'm not doing something for one slamming doors, rolling eyes, staring at me with blank faces wondering when my mouth is going to stop one wrestling, screaming, yelling, music blaring, no banging of a mini basketball in a hoop and pretending a play of a real hitting, head-locking, tumbling down the sneaking into the kitchen waiting to get reminding for the 10th time to pick up the shoes or take out the asking me, begging me, crying to me, arguing with me.....

None of it....because this weekend...I was alone...alone...alone

In the quiet...with my own thoughts that I could complete without being interrupted....with my own time schedule that I could decide when and if to get up.....with a clean kitchen that stayed clean the WHOLE weekend.....and with no all

To say that it was heaven, is a huge was bliss...a silky cloud that I wanted to feel caress my skin continually...a warmth in my soul that I wished never to end....

I found myself actually hearing the conversations in my head with myself! Asking questions in my head and answering them out loud! Thank God there are no cameras in my house or I'm sure I would be placed under medical observation! But I don't care...I was finally enjoying the real sense...a feeling of having control over my time, my choices, my life..even if it was for only a few days.

There is a feeling that comes over a woman when she has no one else around to take care of other than herself.....a feeling of ease, of centeredness, of peace...

Ok, maybe I can only describe myself here because there are probably people reading this and only thinking that if they had a whole weekend to themselves, they would go insane trying to find something to occupy their time, or worse, come up with every little thing to do that they had been wanting to accomplish or finish. But that was not me.

No, although at times I caught myself multi-tasking and wanting to busy myself with things that I knew needed to be those moments, I stopped, reassuring myself that things would eventually make their way to getting done, but that this was an opportunity that I needed to let myself bask in...I needed to make myself be in the full moment of doing all....really

And so my weekend of no children, no man, no dog....just me...was filled with laying in bed...making coffee and breakfast and taking it to bed....watching movies that I had wanted to see, in a row, with no interruptions! Reading my books...eating when I felt like it....not even turning on the lights for 3 days straight!! Yep...heaven!

I don't know when the time will ever come again that I get such a gift, but I can tell you, this was probably the most enjoyable weekend I have ever had!!


Reyna said...

It is good to hear from you.

And what a fun, uplifting, inspiring post!

Good for you!
It's these breaks which help you get through all those others days.

You have set an example for all mothers to follow!

P.S. Where was everyone?

Candace said...

Thanks so much for sharing your comments, Reyna. It's so nice to know someone is out there reading this stuff when I finally get a chance to write!
To answer your question, the girls were at a family wedding with their dad in Seattle and all the boys spent Easter up in Arkansas with Terry's family.
I hope I can draw on the strength from this time of solitude to continue on this roller coaster!
Thanks again.

joe said...

Thanks for sharing this post with us. It's really an amazing post. Keep posting the good work in future too.


Related Posts with Thumbnails