I am not lost. I have not fallen off the planet. I did not decide to abandon all aspects of socializing, or in this case, writing.
I simply have paused.....because the reality of my situation is pressing in on me, leaving me in a fog.
The reality is.....an incredibly hard work schedule that I, mom....partner....self, have to deal with! Yes, I'm whining!
I'll explain....for those of you that have already heard my moans and groans, mosey on down the post.
For the rest of you that are sticking around to give your sympathetic ears to my selfish whimpers, here is my case:
Terry, my self-less, big-hearted, incredibly hard-working man, has decided (after persuading me with materialistic evils) that he needs to go back working as a coil-tubing service supervisor....interpretation: making a whole lot of money supervising crews that essentially work on the oil drill pipes, fixing stuff, I guess, not the line of work I understand. WHICH means that he will be on a scheduled rotation on and off the job. 20 days working in Shreveport, Louisiana....4 hours away...and then 10 days off, home.
Now, to some women and their households, this would be an ideal situation! Some women would enjoy not having their man home....one less person to complain and have strong opinions!
I, on the other hand, look at the situation 2 ways:
Positive: I HAVE CONTROL....whether it be the TV remote, what is for dinner-lunch-snacks-grocery shopping in general, saying yes and no to children without another opinion....etc...you get the picture.
Negative: I HAVE CONTROL...control when something breaks, control when I don't know how to do something, control when I forgot something at the store and I'm too lazy to go back out, control when children are complaining and whining and I don't want to use any decision-making skills! Like it or not, 20 days out of 30, I am all-encompassing mom/dad/house-taking-care-of/errand-running/punishment-giving/maid/cook/and-anything-else-that-needs-to-be-done person of 4 children!!!
That's stressful...may not be to those of you that do this on a regular basis...the supermoms out there that I gave up trying to be years ago...but for me, stressful!
I don't pretend to be the mom that cleans exceptionally well with the most environmentally-friendly products (sometimes I buy what's on sale, ok?...not my fault)or the mom that can cook with 3 ingredients and make a delicious meal that the pickiest of picky will delightfully eat. Not me....as I'm staring at the dirty clothes pile beside my bed and the 3 cups on my nightstand that have been in the same place for a week (nothing growing inside, just water).
And it's not just that I rely on my partner to be there, helping me with the things that disgruntle me.....it's also the heavy responsibility of keeping my brood safe...there's a security I feel when I have a strong man that can hold his own against someone trying to harm us. I know, I know.....the feminist attack is coming!
There's a lot of responsibility put on these shoulders when I think that instead of 2 brains and 4 eyes, I'm down to 1 brain and 2 (not-so-good) eyes....67% of the time.
Now, before you roll those eyes of yours and look down your nose at my blubbering, take note that I am not questioning my ability to take this load on or my great organizational and leadership skills required to accomplish this single-parenting time. What I do question is my ability to keep an honest perspective of the situation, reminding myself that Terry is working very hard in order to take care of our crazy crew, it won't be forever, and I need to look at the glass half-full right now.
That is not to say there will not be impatient and psychotic ramblings from this writer in future posts....or that my facebook page and tweets will not be full of pictures and quotes of exotic, faraway places that I'm dreaming of living while 4 opinionated children fight over which seat they get at the dinner table (really? c'mon!)
.........maybe that's why before Terry left, he looked at me, square in the face, and said, "you'll still be here when I get back, right?"