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Thursday, October 7, 2010

On Which Road?

 
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No, I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life! OK??

I feel as if my life has taken on multiple paths, all going in different directions, waiting for one of them to become solid and that has not happened yet...

Those all too familiar questions keep popping up: Am I doing the right thing? Did I make a mistake giving up my career? Do I want to continue as a business owner solo now that my partner is not here full-time? Do I need to take classes to become more knowledgeable and secure in managing a business? Will I like it if I do? Should I wait so we can dig ourselves out of this debt from unemployment and a 2-year run at a new business?

I DON’T KNOW!!

The fog is still here and I don’t see it being lifted anytime soon.

So in the mean time, I’m at home, hearing questions from my children like: Why aren’t you teaching anymore? Don’t you like teaching? What do you do all day mom?

SIT ON THE COUCH, EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, AND PLAY ON THE COMPUTER ALL DAY – OK???

But really,

I am enjoying the ability to be a Stay-at-home-mom. I like being home when my kids get home because at their ages, there is a lot of homework, projects, and tests. I like being able to run to the school if one of them has forgotten something……..being able to save them from embarrassment or disappointment ( I KNOW….we can’t save them all of the time, they have to learn to live with it…but if I can make them happy in some little way, that gives me some motherly pride!).

I have enjoyed volunteering at all of the schools – elementary library assistant, middle school chaperone, high school VIPS hospitality chair – because it enables me to use all of the skills and knowledge from teaching and support from behind-the-scenes.

See, I’ve been in the hot-seat of classroom teacher and I know what it takes to get the job done in the midst of politics, very little money, and pressure from all sides. So I figure, if I can make the schools my children attend a little better by giving of my time, money and effort, then maybe I am doing something right during this tumultuous period in my life.

Although I find it interesting, that my kids ask why I’m not working, but then never hesitate to ask if I can bring them lunch or remind me of things I need to bring for their classroom...hmmm...

So, here I sit...blogging...on my computer...calendar and to-do list in front of me...as I wonder, once again, WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE??

2 comments:

Reyna said...

I wonder where the nagging thoughts are coming from?

If you enjoy staying home, and being able to support the educational system and be there for your children, what is missing?

I believe even older children like the comfort and security of having mom home or close by. That chance only comes once. (Or in my case 5 times, and I still miss it.)

Maybe you are doing exactly what you were meant to be doing in this season of your life.

(I am not sure what your business is.)
How blessed your children are to have a loving, caring mother!

Eschelle said...

I ask this EVERYDAY!!! I still have no answer other than "loving"

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